Travis's VP Debate Play-by-Play

Travis loves to make fun of Palin, but can't even manage to sign up for blogger, let alone field-dress a moose. Anyway, he asked me to post this for him:

Palin -- in her first real sentence of the debate -- brought up a kid's soccer game. What's next, Little League? Apparently, she's still running for Vice Hockey Mom. And staying true to her Republican roots talked about people being scared and of course FEAR.

Biden landed the first punch of the debate with this comment: supporting any or all of Bush or McCain (At this point they are in fact the same person. For proof, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa20q2s2BRs )

"I call that the ultimate Bridge to Nowhere." Which was greeted on my part with much rejoicing. [I think he was talking about the McCain health care plan, specifically. – ed.]

Next up, we talk about promises that you have made on the campaign trail that you will have difficulty keeping or will most likely break.

Palin- “How long have I been here? Like, five weeks. So, there haven't been a whole lot that I've promised." This was followed by the overuse of colloquialisms. Not just “darn”, she's said “Heck” many many times, along with “ummm” before almost every question she’s dodged (more on that later). That is some potty mouth she has.

Palin said she might not give the answers that Gwen (our question asker) is looking for. She's going to talk to straight to the people. That seems to have been a fancy way of saying "I'm not going to answer questions, and instead just say whatever I want." Kinda like my emails and such. Why would I speak or find the truth when I can just make stuff up?

Moving right along to the environment:

Palin- She doesn't want to care about the causes but she does want to reduce emissions? Why would she reduce emissions if she doesn't know what the causes are? This is followed by the statement, as the governor of Alaska we are the most affected state when it comes global warming... When was the last time her state was hit by a hurricane? How about FL or that other state down south... Katrina really did a number on Alaska. How many times has her state been affected by a dike breaking or a levy overflowing....

Palin - "Um, the quote is 'Drill, Baby, Drill!'" That's it, Sarah! Call that bastard out on the big issues girlfriend! Also, how can we clean up our dirty toxic planet by drilling holes in it? Maybe it's just like when I take a shower with my dipper, all the dirty water goes down the drain. Soooo if we drill big enough holes in the ocean maybe the all the pollution caused by man will just disappear.

Palin says that Obama called drilling raping the environment. Does she support paying for rape kits for the wilderness? [Zing! –ed.]

Palin- tolerant of gay people. Just wouldn't tolerate the definition of the word "marriage" being altered slightly.

Iraq is up next (Iraq is a quagmire if I've ever seen one), let’s see what your VPs have to say:

Biden- we need a plan to get us out, remove the troops, it’s costing us over 10 billion dollars a month to be there meanwhile, Iraq has a surplus of over 84 billion dollars. Time has come for Iraq to start helping paying that bill especially if they want us there.

Palin- fumbling on an Iraq plan. For a moment there, she was caught up in Couricville. Then said that a loss in Iraq would be very bad... Now if I remember right, didn't we already win that war? I recall W (our fearless president, also known as The Decider) dressed in a pilots suit standing on an aircraft carrier with a rather large banner behind him saying something about mission accomplished (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFijzDyJnVE . To see the pilot suit, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRRc4F9GKJI)

These evil dictators hate us for our freedoms! And our respect for women's rights! Kind of like Palin. Ummm…

"No one is a better friend to Israel than Joe Biden." Uh oh. Joe Biden is talking about himself in the third-person again. He's about to snap. And I don't blame him. But, the 3rd person has got to go and it was during this courting of the Jews I couldn't help myself but to think Wow! I haven't seen anybody go after the Jews this hard since the last time I logged onto J Date. [How'd that work out for ya? - ed.]

Palin foreign policy stance in seven words: Stop hatin' on America, you hatin' haters!

Biden replies with the old respect transitive policy: You respect McCain's feather-ruffling, and I respect you for respecting said ruffling.

Palin: Not even coming close to answering the question again, a theme seen all night. She's answering some other question asked of her. Possibly by Jesus.

"When can we nuke people?" She's talking all over the place about whatever. And now she's talking about Afghanistan.

Palin: Dropping bombs on innocent villagers in Afghanistan= fighting terrorism. This is kinda like fucking for virginity. [Wow, and you said Palin had a potty mouth! - ed.]
Essentially, her answer to when the U.S. can nuke people? was that Iran shouldn't be allowed to get “nucular” weapons.

Now for our VPs final comments:

Palin:

"I like being able to answer these tough questions without the filter of the mainstream media."
Yeah, MSN totally screwed up her fantastic Supreme Court dissertation.
“McCain is the only candidate who has really fought for us.”
Did you know that he was a POW?
Is it even possible for mavericks to form a team?

I loved the fact that Biden once and for all put this myth of a maverick talk to an end.

I'll end this post with things Palin didn't say:
“knocked up daughter"
"birth control"
"abuse of power"
"skanky looking glasses"
"evangelical end times"
"uppity"
"fighter jock"
"my husband is on the state payroll and has no job title"
"I have never cheated on my expense reports"
"do you think I could come up with all of these lies myself?"
"I made better money when I was a dancer"

If you're still confused about what Palin was trying to say, just see the post below.

-Travis Schultz